Adam and the Rants.

It seems like all I do is talk about how hard this is, eh? Well, here we go again, because, guess what?? IT IS HARD.

I love when people think losing weight is easy. And, hey, if it truly is easy (and still healthy) for you, then dang, I'm just jealous. But for the rest of us (we are the 99%!!), it is a laborious endeavor. The wonderful trainers send out all these emails, which I love, as they serve as little reminders to keep going, and recently I opened one about what to expect at our week two weigh in--which happens tomorrow morning. The quick note mentioned how common it is for people to lose up to 5 pounds their first week on the program, and to not feel discouraged when this next weigh in isn't as bountiful.

GREAT.

I lost 1.6 pounds the first week! Nowhere near five! Or even four! It might be less this week? I mean, I know that's the reality, and I just have to be okay with it, but why can't I lose more?! I know this isn't real life, but in my wildest dreams I just wish I could see results quicker. But isn't that one of the things that makes weight loss so challenging? Actually sticking with it when you don't see any change for a while, or, at least, you think you don't.

I am so happy for the people who DID lose the five pounds, or four, or three, or two, or one--it's everyone's separate journey. But sometimes it feels so frustrating and like I am the only one who isn't getting there. I know! I'm only two weeks in! But why can't it come easier for me?

The first time I lost weight, I was meeting with a nutritionist at the college I attended in Southern Illinois . We talked meal plans and caloric intake and exercise and all the good stuff, and for the first time in my life I counted calories and really paid attention to what I was eating. I skipped the afternoon margaritas in favor of the elliptical. I portioned out pasta instead of eating half the box at once. And I only let myself have dessert once--okay, twice--a week.

And I literally did not see weight loss for TWO MONTHS. A pound or two shaved off that number on the scale, but for two months it hovered right between 170 and 178, my highest weight ever.

I wish I remembered my feelings about this better. I know I wasn't nearly as strict as I have been with this--for example, my one dessert a week? A gigantic piece of carrot cake from Denny's! (Don't judge me, I lived in a pretty small town and still love Denny's) But I kept working on good habits and not overeating, and it felt like one day I couldn't lose any poundage and the next day it had suddenly all fallen off. Was that just my perception? Absolutely, and, in looking at old pictures now, I'm able to see a steady progression of the decline of my weight over a series of months. But it took time. SO MUCH TIME. And while I keep trying to remind myself of this, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard to watch people who don't push themselves as hard in class losing more than you. Sometimes it's hard to see your boyfriend eat whatever he wants and just keep gaining muscle. Sometimes it feels unfair.


My clothes are still tight! My thighs are still terribly large! My energy is still zapped! But I'll just keep trying.